At the end of it all, the only one who can tell you that you’ve lived your best life is the person staring back at you in the mirror. Being honest and holding myself accountable has been the sole ingredient to my success and has not been all sunshine and rainbows. I’ve seen dark times, and when I shut the door and pushed everyone else away, it was the honesty with myself and accepting responsibility for my shortfalls that got me back on track. Hello, I’m just one of the 7.6 billion people on this earth chasing dreams.
The only people who never fail are those who never tried.” ~Ilka Chase
Failure
Sixteen years ago, I barely made it out of Saint Xavier University with a Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice. To say I had a few hiccups during my undergrad years would be an understatement. I was on academic probation after my Freshman year, nearly lost my Reserve Officer Training Corps scholarship, and had to keep a steady state of night and weekend classes to stay on track to complete my degree in four years, class of 2004. My early college years were more than memorable to say the least. I was doomed, however, out of all the counselors and tutors available it was a crusty non-commissioned officer from the military science department cadre, who sat me down to fix my can’t get right ways.
It won’t always go your way, so you can’t get trapped in this idea that just because you’ve imagined a possibility for yourself that you somehow deserve it.” ~David Goggins
Fast forward to 2013, I learned I made the Major promotion list for my military branch, already completed a Master of Science in Criminal Justice from Tiffin University and was in the final year of coursework for my Doctorate of Education in Organizational Leadership from Argosy University. The icing on the cake was my selection for the Resident Intermediate Level Education (ILE) at the Command and General Staff College, not an easy spot to earn. It was good news, I was hungry and knowing how things were when I began working toward my military career until then, I was ready for the next challenge.
Friction
I never had the traditional graduate school experience prior to ILE. I knocked my first master’s degree out via distance learning, and that was before it was socially acceptable. As a matter of fact, I used the term distance- learning to make it sound fancier than telling everyone I was going to school online. My time at ILE was an amazing experience, I met some amazing people and everyday there these officers proved they were grinders. There’s a saying – “If you look around and can’t find the weakest link, it’s probably you.” This is not a low self-esteem statement, this was exactly what I needed to embrace my circumstances to get the most out of my time at the schoolhouse.
I was in the dissertation phase of my doctorate program and made a hair-brain decision to take on the Master of Military Arts and Sciences degree program with a concentration in Homeland Security Studies offered while I was at ILE. The program orientation briefs well, but when your a poor reader and an INTP type learner, according to the Meyers Briggs personality test, which is basically those who are more comfortable with independent study and need longer than others to truly comprehend what’s going on, you find yourself drowning more often than not. For most, multi-tasking is a good thing, for this guy, it means I get to screw up more things at once. However, surviving is a skill I developed during my undergrad really well. Did I mention my wife, Claudia, was knocking out her residency as a Family Medicine Physician, ten hours away in Fort Hood, Texas, and was enduring a complicated pregnancy to say the least.
Family
I picked up an amazing hobby, and now passion, while I was in ILE. I started training jiu-jitsu at a local Mixed Martial Arts gym, Lone Wolf MMA – 10th Planet Kansas City, a mile down the road from my place in the evening and on weekends. I had a great training session on the night of March 25, 2015, and as I began to head home because my wife called me and said you better start making your way down here. I said okay, stopped at my apartment, showered up and changed, submitted my emergency leave form, and began the 10 hour journey south to setup the welcome wagon for when Dominic finally arrived to meet his family. There were complications early on during Claudia’s pregnancy and our provider told us if there was any sign of Dominic not meeting his gates they were going to induce pregnancy. I had a go-bag packed for months.
On the back-end of my trek back, I hit a wall at the Oklahoma/Texas border and had to take a cat-nap for about an hour. Claudia told me not to worry because the contractions were still a ways a part and she was surprised the hospital team admitted her. Dominic was born at 5 p.m., on March 26, and I was there for the whole thing. I couldn’t have been happier to be a Father. Everything in my life was for him and that was the same feeling I had for my daughter Brianna two years later. To say your perspective changes after you have kids is a mild statement. Your everything to them and they’re everything to you all day, everyday.
After my paternity-leave was over, I was back at ILE to finish up the elective phase and complete my thesis for my MMAS. At this point, I already successfully defended my dissertation, and was rocking the Ed.D. on my signature block to remind myself what I accomplished thus far. It’s been said you’re at your most vulnerable after a victory, and that was another phrase of wisdom proven right in my experience. All my attention left the classroom and I found myself having more stressful moments in what was supposed to be the easiest point of ILE. I had to regroup after I learned I didn’t make the cut for the School of Advanced Military Studies and the School of Advanced Warfare. Claudia and I always supported each other in chasing opportunities available to us because we knew how rare they could be from our challenges in our early academic careers back home in Chicago.
Redemption
Insert time lapse here, we’re moving forward to 2020, and now I’m a father of two, finished with my formal education, and in my 59th month of operational/key-developmental time as a senior major. I deployed three times as a major and have been waiting for my next assignment and Lieutenant Colonel promotion board results to be published. On June 25, 2020 I learned that I was selected for Lt. Col. Sixteen years ago if you asked me if this was in my long term plan, I would’ve laughed at you.
I’ve faked it to make it so much throughout my career that it just became my reality. Developing routine habits, such as this one, have been critical to keeping me on track to get to the next level. This didn’t happen by making excuses, or blaming someone else for missing the mark. When I failed in the past, I knew I had to work harder because it was my job to fix myself. Sure, my mom and dad would entertain my logic as to why I came up short, but it doesn’t fix the glitch. Jocko Wilink and David Goggins are right when it comes to taking ownership and accountability for your actions.
Recap
I don’t have a schedule for these reflections. I try to be present in my life and at the end of the week, during a long run, I find a theme that best represents the lessons I learned through experience and through research. I’ve failed hard in my life, one of my biggest regrets was failing out of Ranger School, a tale for another time, but that failure has driven me to never quit on myself again.
NO MORE. No more excuses. No more: ‘I’ll start tomorrow.’ No more: ‘Just this once.’ No more accepting the shortfalls of my own will. No more taking the easy road. No more bowing down to whatever unhealthy or unproductive thoughts float through my mind.” ~Jocko Willink
I muscled through statistics on four separate occasions and levels throughout my academic career, which was enough for me to want to press the no mas button. My kids continue to challenge me each and every day and the demands to be competitive in my military career does not come without sacrifice. Furthermore, my wife and I have faced hard lines in the sand professionally, when we rejected the demand to both deploy at the same time. I never knew the process of an Officer Elimination Board, until we made a choice prioritizing our family well-being above all else; and yes, this will also be a tale for another time.
The next chapter is looking bright for the Clas Family, with a Euro trip to finalize the last chapter of my career, Claudia working through her plan to get into law school, and our family jiu-jitsu game thriving at Zen Martial Arts, life is good. Self-improvement based on the framework of mental, physical, and emotional paradigm continue to be the best way to grow holistically and I’m all for it. Best wishes to all of you grinding toward your dreams out there, and remember… the only one standing in your way is yourself. One team, one fight!
References:
Chase, Ilka. The Care and Feeding of Friends. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1973.
Goggins, David. Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds. Miejsce nieznane: Lioncrest Publishing, 2019.
Willink, Jocko. Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2017.