I can’t go back to yesterday – because I was a different person then…” ~Lewis Carroll
Eight years ago, today, I walked into a mixed-martial arts gym and participated in my first jiu-jitsu class. I have participated in combatives training in the past and I wrestled in high school, so I thought I had a good enough knowledge of the basics to not get embarrassed. Well … little did I know that embarrassment was driven by ego, and my ego was about to take a major pounding from that moment on. Here I am all these years later and I am still routinely humbled on the mats, however, at least now I am truly a fan of the process and do not worry too much about the destination.
A lot has evolved in my life that I am extremely grateful for to say the least. I became a vegetarian, earned another graduate and post-graduate degree, celebrated the birth of my two amazing children, travelled to more than a dozen countries, and now have my whole family on the mats with me. This journey has been a beautiful ride and I’m stoked to keep it going.
Past, Present, Future
When I was a kid I tried and failed at several martial arts growing up. I made it to yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do and Kenpo Karate during elementary school before I quit. This past haunts me every time my kids complain or try to renegotiate our family Jiu-jitsu practices because I do not want them to have the same sentiment when they are my age. Looking back, it wasn’t too much of a struggle to get Dominic on the mats. Brianna, on the other hand, was a different story.
When Brianna turned three it was her turn to begin her journey. Please understand, we didn’t throw her in a cage or a Kumite; it was just movement drills, exercises, and mat time. Little did I know at the time how her initial reaction would set conditions for our entire family to be on the mats at one time. It was a warm Sunday morning in El Paso, Texas, and I told Brianna to put the gi on I laid out for her because she was going to join her brother and I in our Sunday session at Zen Martial Arts.
Brianna looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Jiu-jitsu is for boys!” It was the equivalent to a pen dropping before a major firefight breaks out in an action movie. Claudia looked over and said, “What did you say? Jiu-jitsu is not just for boys.” Before I could even get the girl power Jiu-jitsu motivational videos on my phone, Claudia said she was going to get ready and come with us.
The next week, Claudia was enrolled in the adult classes and Brianna was in the Baby Buddhas class with Dominic. Claudia and I talked about her getting on the mats for a while, but her schedule as a military physician was demanding. It was the appropriate time because she was beginning her transition out of the military and was able to attend the classes with the kids, while her and I worked out our schedule to attend the adult classes.
Often when you think you’re at the end of something you’re at the beginning of something else.~Fred Rogers, as cited by Timothy Ferriss in “Tribe of Mentors”
Fast forward to the present, Claudia has been on the mats for two and a half years now, has been promoted in Texas and Germany, and continues to be an example for our kids both on and off the mats. Jiu-jitsu will continue to be a constant consideration, or must do, for our family because it helps us in more ways than one. We are more resilient, we are continuously tested, and we are thriving together as a family. Jiu-jitsu is the activity of choice for my family, others have their own unique adventures built into their calendars, but no matter what the activity it’s the time focused on togetherness is invaluable.
As my family and I prepare for the next chapter of our military journey, we appreciate the people we have met, both on and off the mats, here in Germany over the past two years. I saw many people we met on this tour grow personally and professionally, on and off the mats, and I am appreciative of the experiences I’ve had during my time in Europe. I always make it a point to let my teammates know when it’s time for me to move on that wherever I am they will always have a place to stay and train.
If you’re really smart, you’ll drop the drivenness. It doesn’t matter what’s driving you. When you’re driven, you are like a leaf, driven by the wind. You have no real autonomy. You are bound to be blown off course, even if you reach what you believe is your goal.” Dr. Gabor Maté, as cited by Timothy Ferriss in “Tribe of Mentors”
Tribute
I would like to take this time to spotlight the many Jiu-jitsu gyms that have brought me to this point in my journey. I began my journey at 10th Planet Kansas City. Coaches Jeremy and Blake Whorton were great examples of what it means to train just because it’s a passion. It was at 10PKC where I learned the most about myself because the team showed me how much I had to learn as a martial artist.
In the fall of 2016 I began my traditional Gi training under Professor Jamir Toledo at Twin Wolves Martial Arts in Harker Heights, Texas. I learned how effective the kimono could be in your holistic Jiu-jitsu game. Grip strength, top pressure, and guard passing are just a few benefits of training with the Gi. No matter how much my kids argue against training in the Gi, I always make them train both styles.
During a deployment to Poznan, Poland, in 2017, I was afforded the opportunity to keep training at Anakonda Poznan. Professor Marcin Kabat welcomed this foreigner into his academy and allowed me to keep training. It was this experience that taught me how tight the Jiu-jitsu community can be as well as the universal application of Jiu-jitsu. I picked up where I left off at my previous academy and appreciated the significant amount of time spent on takedowns in comparison to other gyms I trained at previously.
In the summer of 2018, my family and I moved to El Paso, Texas. We were fortunate to continue our journey at Gracie Barra El Paso. This is where Dominic began his Jiu-jitsu journey and we met some amazing people. We have the utmost respect for Professors Jeff Vigil and Frisco DeLeon for offering a professional-grade program for our family. I learned to trust in Jiu-jitsu in developing my families well-being as well as my own. When you ask the universe for help, it will give you what you need to achieve your goals.
After my fifth deployment in 2019, I returned to El Paso and decided to continue our journey at Zen Martial Arts, El Paso, under Professors Carlos Freire and Mando Rosales Jr. Many of the instructors that resonated with Dominic at Gracie Barra El Paso, opened up a new academy and we continued our family training at this location. This experience is what motivated me to make plans for my own academy after retirement under the Zen Martial Arts banner. The support we continue to receive from our Zen Family back home in the U.S. has been invaluable. It was at Zen where I had my first experience as a coach, not only for my kids, but for other like-minded jiujiteiros searching for their place in this world on the mats. The Arte Suave is a beautiful seductress that continues to help those with an open mind find resilience and self worth in more ways than one.
When your sparring partner scratches, or head butts you, you don’t then make a show of it, or protest, or view him with suspicion, or as plotting against you. And yet you keep an eye on him, not as an enemy or with suspicion, but with a healthy avoidance. You should act this way with all things in life. We should give a pass to many things with our fellow trainees. For as I’ve said, it’s possible to avoid without suspicion, or hate.” ~Marcus Aurelius, as cited by Timothy Ferriss in “Tribe of Mentors”
To everyone out there who are starting their own journeys on the mats, just keep showing up. I’ve been fortunate to have an unbelievable network of fellow Jiu-jitsu practitioners I could rely on on and off the mats and this is nothing less than a definition of family to me. Everyone’s journey is unique and no two are alike. Some people use Jiu-jitsu for physical fitness, others use it to increase resilience. There are those who love the competition, or sports aspect of the art, and there are those who use it to be the most lethal version of themselves. No matter what purpose your journey serves, I am proud to call you my brother or sister. Roll easy my friends. One Team, One Family! ~Doc