We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle
It doesn’t matter how much you know if no one else wants to listen to you. I learned a lot about patience and expectation management this week. A lot of the lessons I learned can be found in the book Extreme Ownership series by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Holding yourself accountable and understanding your team’s shortcomings are your responsibility as the leader. During times of crisis the one commodity that is not available is time. Precision and decisiveness keep the team moving forward, so if you’re not involved and watching things pass you by, just go home.
The points I made in the aforementioned paragraph are pretty direct and are purposefully meant to make you uncomfortable. I’ve been in the military for over 17 years and even though the military has been more and more transparent, highlighting toxicity, and overhauling talent management programs, there is one thing that will never change. There will be always be an expectation for leaders and subject-matter-experts to get results. This is often hard when life variables come into play and you have to account for limiting factors for yourself and your teammates. These are the lessons I want to instill into my children to help them prepare for the myriad of challenges they will face in life to achieve their goals.
One Benchmark at a Time
Dominic and Brianna recently tested and earned another red stripe on their belts. Both of my children have been training Brazilian Jiu-jitsu since they were three-years old. The greatest part of watching them grow on the mats is seeing how they process rage and pain, but continue to train. For my wife, Claudia, and I, training our kids at home has been anything but easy. We keep them to a schedule of 2x a week at an hour for each practice.
When I feel like it’s too much, and consider cancelling practice, or quitting their program altogether, I reflect back to a lesson Professor Mando Rosales Jr., owner and BJJ instructor at Zen Martial Arts, El Paso, Texas. He spoke to the kids class after one student held a submission too long and another cried out in pain. He said,
“Kids, let me tell you something, you are all going to cry on these mats. I cried and you will too. These mats are unforgiving and they’re going to test you. We have to remember to take care of each other on theses mats, but it’s okay to cry as long as you keep going.” ~Prof. Mando Rosales Jr., Brazilian Jiu-jitsu Black Belt under Professor Tom DeBlass
I take life with the same approach. Most of the injuries I have now are superficial due to BJJ, but being on the mats has helped me overcome so much damage I was doing to my body due to unhealthy living and lack of purpose. My chronic state of discomfort helps me overcome fear of hurting my ego and allows me to go into uncomfortable meetings and scenarios professionally and personally that I would otherwise hide from if I was afraid of failure. I still have fear and reservations, but at this stage in my life I am more afraid of missing an opportunity instead of looking foolish in front of my peers. It’s a blessing in disguise.
Anatomy of a Team-player
Referring back to the lessons I learned this week, I feel obligated to highlight, what I believe, are characteristics of a team-player. For those of us in uniform, refer to the description of character in our respective leadership manuals. It boils down to having strong values: empathy, selflessness, and the ability to take initiative in the absence of guidance.
Every professional organization has one thing in common, core values. I will not get too philosophical and go into ethics lesson, so in short being a person integrity and being loyal to the cause will often sum it up. It’s as simple as using the terminology we and ours instead of I and mine; and could be as complex as taking on a project from another section because you may have the bandwidth when the primary project manager is out of the game for whatever reason. The latter example will show that you are reliable and valuable member of the organization.
Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity.” ~Dr. Rick Rigsby, “A Lesson from a Third-grade Dropout”
Empathy:
It’s very easy to criticize another individual’s performance when you’re watching from the sidelines. However, a better choice than passive observation is active participation. By contributing to the cause, you are setting an example for the rest of the team and you are helping to push the organization forward, which will have positive second and third order effects in even your own section moving forward. I attribute my success to my work ethic and willingness to jump on the task others would not want to have. I have never felt like the smartest person in the room, but I have often felt like the go-to person in times of crisis or the best choice when resources were slim.
Selflessness:
During times of crisis, and subtly during day-to-day operation, you can easily pick out individual’s of whom are selfless or selfish. I recall an individual who during a meeting shut the lights off in my office. Not a big act, but I was taken aback because putting myself in a similar circumstance I think I would at least ask the room if that would be okay. I’m a huge advocate for servant leadership and believe you can never go wrong if your intentions are genuinely focused on the betterment of the organization for the team. Fast-forward and the same individual spent the majority of time trying to get out of work instead of sharing the pain with the team during times of high-operational tempo. You may get away with skirting out of additional tasks at first, but trust no matter what your angle is noticed by all.
“When personal agendas become more important than the team and the overarching mission’s success, performance suffers and failure ensues.” ~Jock Willink, “Leadership Strategy and Tactics”
Initiative:
A common phrase in the military is “if you’re on time, you’re late.” This is the same with weighting taking action when you receive guidance, or, in the absence of taking initiative to accomplish the mission. Often times in a large organization there are noticeable gaps in personnel and that may include key leadership positions. As a project officer you are not always going to have the luxury of overarching guidance for every project on your organization’s priority list, nor should you want that type of descriptiveness in your project. I’ve seen many a time the best plan formed by subordinates leading up. A former boss and mentor of mine would always inform his staff officers, including me, that we had to lead up at times. When opportunity to shape conditions for your team’s success presents itself, if you wait for the grand plan you will more likely be behind the power curve when it gets to crunch time. Many leaders will respect asking for forgiveness than permission if acts were done with good intentions and solid analysis.
Lucky by another Name
I sit here writing this reflection with a deep appreciation for my experiences, status in life, and all the goodness in my life. I was not always a glass-half-full person until maybe the last decade, and it took a lot for me to ditch my inherent pessimism and drink the optimistic flavored Kool-Aid. I am grateful, however, to be able to look back and see my darkest moments as decisive points in development as a human-being instead of shortfalls. Those failures and shortfalls will always be in my back pocket for when my kids have their own crucible moments. In closing, I will leave you all with this small piece of advice, you make your own fortune. The Chinese symbol for Crisis literally translates to a Dangerous Opportunity. We cannot control what comes our way, but we can control our responses to those un-forecasted situations. Keep moving forward my friends. One team, one family!
~Doc