I’ve often looked at life with a scarcity mentality and didn’t even know it. There are a million reasons to look at your current circumstance with a glass half empty lens, but it will not get you anywhere. As a matter of fact it will inhibit your ability to not only be grateful for what you do have, but to find true happiness. Sir John Hargrave, author of “Mind Hacking”, suggests an abundance mentality over a scarcity mentality is the key to true happiness.
A few days ago I bought my son a couple packs of his usual Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards and my daughter a Care Bear for welcome gifts. I had to go to Grafenwoehr, Germany for a training conference and my amazing wife joined me for the last couple of days. When my daughter saw her gift she was ecstatic, she loved it and gave me a big hug and kiss to thank me. On the flipside, my son, although happy to receive his cards, asked when we can go back to the store to get more. I told him that he already got his toy and we were not planning to go back to the store again. He lost his cool and the tantrum ensued, bloody murder, we had to call the Wambulance for him.
Every parent gets slighted when their child noses up a gift of some sort, at least I do. This however, brought me back to the lesson Sir John Hargrave talked about in his concept of abundance mentality vs. scarcity mentality and it scared the hell out of me. Everything my kids do, or fail to do, falls on my shoulders, was my son’s reaction due to being spoiled, or, was it a reflection of my behavior? I had to dig deep and see what and how I was communicating to my family with challenges laid before me. Were they obstacles or opportunities? If a challenge is not an opportunity then you will face a long path of seeking instant gratification through survival. Survival is great during crisis, but if it’s the only means of experience it will hinder growth.
You can’t stop your mind from thinking negative thoughts! … What we are after is not mind control, but mind training.” ~Sir John Hargrave
Sir John Hargraves. Mind Hacking: How to Change Your Mind for Good in 21 Days (2015). Gallery Books.
It’s been a tough road to follow in my professional life these past several months. The operational tempo always picks up prior to the holiday season in the military and their have been several requirements to travel away from the family and have to work extended hours. I have no doubt the increased stress and anxiety has impacted my family who also face their own unique challenges living abroad in a foreign country. To my kids who will read this blog entry in the future I want to say, no matter what unforeseen circumstances are affecting your lives, remember there is a silver lining waiting to be found and once you find it your struggle will not be for naught.
Everything negative – pressure, challenges – is all an opportunity for me to rise.” ~Kobe Bryant
https://parade.com/937586/parade/life-quotes/
Connection
If I was to pick one silver lining experience that has stood out more than most recently, it would be the friendships I’ve made at Vuong Doan Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. The beauty of martial arts is that no matter where you are in the world, you will always have a place to train. This may not be a big deal to some, but if you have a passion nothing makes you happier than being able to keep that passion going no matter where you are, or have to go. If I wasn’t able to continue practicing Jiu-jitsu, I’m sure I would be a very poor version of myself. This is why I’m truly grateful my wife and kids train and that even in the worst phase of a COVID-19 lockdown we were still able to get our rolls in. After experiencing an era of new normalcy, I think we can all agree we are social beings, which goes beyond what social media and other technological platforms can offer us.
People are collecting followers and likes, and not relationships. And they’re looking into phones, and screens and not the eyes of other people.” ~Melanie Katzman, Ph.D.
Connect First: 52 Simple Ways to Ignite Success, Meaning, and Joy at Work (2019). Melanie Katzman. McGraw-Hill Education
It’s the human connection, however, that makes combat sports a much better option to build resiliency. When you put yourself in a position to trade punches, kicks, joint-locks, and chokes with someone else, you’re making yourself vulnerable. When you are vulnerable, you will later feel more comfortable replicating that experience. Being familiar with uncomfortable circumstances is a key ingredient in becoming more resilient in your personal life and your professional one as well.
Until next time friends and family, and remember to check out Professor Tom DeBlass’ new book “How you Bear It: Triumph and Resilience in Life”. One team, one family!
