The one thing that is certain in this world is everything changes. It’s up to us to embrace this fact and take necessary actions to thrive, or, ignore this fact and become irrelevant. The choice is yours.
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” ~ Karen Kaiser Clark
I had no idea where I’d be at this stage in my life, but here I am: a father of two outstanding children, husband to an amazing wife, professional in the greatest military this world has ever seen, and finding more ways to express myself artistically as a martial artist. To understand the growth I’ve experiences over the years, I should offer a little more insight to my upbringing.
My parents divorced when I was seven and my brother, two-years old at the time, and I moved in with my father. This was a heck of a change and both of us were able to evolve successfully through the friction. Not by choice, and not through comfort, but through being held accountable for our actions by our police officer father and learning to blend in at family functions most times without a parental figure to represent us. Don’t get it twisted, we have great parents who love us and have given us skills to be successful and independent. My point is this, successfully navigating through moments of discomfort increases an individuals resolve and helps them embrace change.
From DINKs to Parents
I was 33 years old before I changed my first diaper. Prior to parenthood, Claudia and I were two ambitious professionals living the Dual Income with No Kids lifestyle (DINKs). We were married 10 years prior to our son Dominic being born, and we were even on the fence about having kids at all because of our age and our goals. However, as good as it seemed, there was always a feeling that something was missing.
On March 26, 2015, our lives were changed forever. Dominic arrived to this world and showed us what unconditional love truly meant. Two years late, on April 24, 2017, Brianna did what we thought was the impossible and reinforced this meaning all over again. Claudia and I were blessed with two amazing kids and knowing we are the ones who have to guide them through this life is nothing less than the scariest thing to realize. I like to say, you know you’re a good parent when you feel like you’re failing everyday, because you’re there in the trenches.
My growth as a parent is impacted by every other facet in my life. Throughout the years, I wish I could say I’ve been there for every one of my kids milestones. I pride myself on the fact that I’ve been there for the birth of both my kids. I even made it back against the odds when I was deployed overseas to Germany to see my daughter be born. Those are moments in time I wouldn’t trade for anything else in the universe if offered. Balancing the demand of a military career and family life is no easy task, but that’s for another time.
A Family the Rolls Together…
One of the best outlets in my life is Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. A continuous game of submission hunting against like-minded individuals determined to achieve the same goal. It’s been a part of me since 2014, and now, due to the novel coronavirus (COVID-19), it’s become a family event. Both Dominic and Brianna began their journeys at the ripe age of three, and what a sight it is to see them grow, even if it’s only a fraction, every time they step on the mat. Claudia, wife and mother of my kids, has also started her training recently, and knowing our entire family is sharing this art is a gift.
Families that train together, thrive together.” ~ Zen Martial Arts Motto
This past week was a big week for Team Clas, as Dominic, Brianna, and Claudia received stripe promotions from their coaches at Zen Martial Arts El Paso, Texas. We’ve put in some serious family mat time throughout the quarantine and learned about ourselves. Claudia learned BJJ is more than putting yourself in harms way. Dominic regained the light he had when he first begged me to step on the mats almost two years ago. My youngest, Brianna, learned jiu-jitsu is for girls and the girls on the mats are her best friends.
The beauty of jiu-jitsu is that it levels the playing field and it doesn’t matter who you are, or where you come from, the only way to mastery is through hard work, dedication, working through discomfort, and humility. This philosophy coincides with my latest literary experience.
This Will Make You Smarter
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been working through, “This Will Make You Smarter” edited by John Brockman. This book is a collection of scientific concepts designed to help you think consistently, systematically, and conceptually in the cognitive domain. Although there are several great points and insights provided throughout the book, the two which resonated with me the most were the Mediocrity and Copernican principles.
The universe does not revolve around you, this planet isn’t privileged in any unique way, your country is not the perfect product of divine destiny, your existence isn’t the product of directed, intentional fate, and that tuna sandwich you had for lunch was not plotting to give you indigestion.” ~ PZ Myers
The aforementioned quote, is an overview of the Mediocrity Principle, which suggests that we an individuals are not special. It’s a derivative of the Copernican Principle, which implies our planet is not the end all, be all of the universe. Why is this an important revelation to embrace? It’s importance lies in the fact that their are more than 7.8 billion people in the world and the quicker we understand we are contributors to a larger system, instead of believing our own being reigns supreme, the quicker we’ll be able to focus on contributions to the greater good of society.
If you’re growing, you feel alive. If you’re giving you feel 10 times more alive.” ~ Tony Robbins
Altruism is a great way to finding your own self worth. Not only because you are helping others, but because you are showing a positive example, which will motivate others to do the same. If there is no sense of direction, help someone else. Helping others is a life lesson I want to instill the most in my children, and is one I, myself, would like to be known for above all else.
One team, one family!
References:
“6 Life Lessons on Embracing Change and Impermanence.” Tiny Buddha, 22 Jan. 2016, tinybuddha.com/blog/6-life-lessons-on-embracing-change-and-impermanence.
Brockman, John. This Will Make You Smarter: New Scientific Concepts to Improve Your Thinking. Harper Collins Publishers, 2012.
“Home.” Zen Martial Arts, www.zenmartialartselp.com/.
Robbins, Tony. “Pic.twitter.com/Oe8xakkjxX.” Be One of the Few Who Do, Not the Many Who Talk, Twitter, 13 June 2020, twitter.com/fearlessmotivat/status/1271775693341437954.