Our life is what our thoughts make it.” ~Marcus Aurelius
Every morning we wake up, hope the day goes our way, fear the unknown tasks to come, and have faith we will make it through unforeseen challenges. Circumstances that are unpredictable keep us sharp. Those are the moments that make us appreciate the good times so much more. This faith, or belief that things will go our way, have led to a tremendous month of growth for Team Clas. My wife, Claudia, has renewed her license and board certification as a physician, the kids have celebrated their birthdays, and I hit another major milestone as a Jiu-jitsu practitioner.
After nine-plus years of training I received my Brown Belt in Jiu-jitsu from Prof. Jason Steiner, at the 95th Special Operations (Airborne) Combatives Team, here on Fort Liberty, April 1st. It was the first promotion I received with my family in attendance. There are no words I can say to express how it felt to make this next rank in an art that I’ve stayed passionate about for nearly a decade. For those of you who practice the Arte Suave, you know how much time and effort is invested to progress in Jiu-jitsu. I have nothing but respect and appreciation for the coaches and peers I’ve trained with throughout my journey to get to this point.
The future is bright. My family and I take each day as it comes, but we continue our preparation to take the next step to our forever home in Chicago in the next few months. This month I began an internship with Five Pillars Nation Real Estate Group to better prepare to takeover the property management responsibilities from Claudia as she returns to the medical field. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like a newbie and I will admit I have a lot to learn before I can take the reigns from my brilliant better half. However, finding comfort in discomfort makes life worth living.
I recently finished the book The Warrior Poet Way, by John Lovell, and one of the things he spoke about was his triad of Strength, Love, and Purpose. He suggests we have to find ways to prioritize our lifestyles to work on each of these aspects of our lives. Each one is equally important in getting to a balanced lifestyle aimed at growth and happiness as a familial unit.
To be a good man, you must become a paradox: strong but self-controlled, violent but gentle, ready to go to war one minute and prepared to give piggyback rides the next. This kind of man is fierce in word and deed while remaining compassionate and humble. He is fully soldier, fully lover, whole man.” ~John Lovell
Strength
The hardest thing to do is start. Whether the task at hand is mental or physical the hardest thing to do is take the first step toward mission accomplishment. However, the regret of not doing what you know needs to be done will far outweigh the interim discomfort of knocking out the task at hand. A system in place outlining the day is the best way to accomplish your goals. This may be a no-brainer, but at the minimum I’d like to at least validate your current struggle with putting your running shoes on, or typing the first words on your computer to complete that next assignment. You are not alone.
Claudia and I apply this baby-steps approach to task completion in the way we raise our kids. Dominic and Brianna will always be in an activity no matter what. They both train Jiu-jitsu and continuing this is non-negotiable. It’s definitely a tall order at times when you’re competing with video games and play dates, but it’s something they will maintain throughout their adolescents and hopefully continue into adulthood. This expectation has resulted in Claudia and I putting in more of our own time on the mats because the best way to set the example is through deeds not words.
Love
April is the Month of the Military Child. Our kids have been Army brats their whole lives. They’ve lived through deployments, grew up in several states, and even lived in Germany for a couple of years. At every turn Claudia and I questioned ourselves as parents, ready to cash everything in to save these kids from the hardship from being uprooted again. This, however, is not a bad thing to experience growing up. New experiences and environments helped our kids understand they are not always going to be the center of the universe. Additionally, Claudia and I learned how important it is for our kids to have both their parents to guide them through this world.
During the past couple of months, I’ve racked up more family quality time than I’ve been able to have in the past couple of years and it’s been amazing. There is no replacement for being present in your family’s lives. The affect I’ve seen on my family’s general mood since I’ve been home has been amazing.
Let me clarify something up front, we are not a sunshine and rainbow family all the time. There are times we fight and argue. There are times when we’re one phrase away from fitting a scene on the cult classic movie Fight Club.
The grace in all this is that we’re having these bouts in person , not from geographically separated battle positions, and my wife and I are each others reinforcing fires when the kids turn into the anarchist character The Horde, from the movie Split. The kids also feel the security of having both their parents around to help them during tough times. As a kid who was the product of a divorced family, I know the pains of trying to fit in with the house rules when other family members are watching you in place of your parents.
Purpose
A good researcher always reads their thesis statement before they jump back into their study. This keeps you centered and focused on the overall objective of what you’re searching for. How is life any different. We are but voyagers navigating the seas of time to live a life worth dying for in the end. This brings me back to the Clas Family Mission Statement: The Clas Family lives a values-based lifestyle to positively contribute to society for generations to come.
The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” ~Rumi
My purpose is to build generational wealth for my family. To me this goes beyond financial independence and monetary gain; this transcends to raising my kids to be prepared to make tough, unpopular, yet informed decisions in the face of controversy. To do this, they need to see strong examples of responsible adults. Claudia and I need to teach them how to build a strong marriage, how to treat others with dignity and respect, how to become independent, learn the meaning of interdependence, and ultimately how to assume the role as grandparent and mentor.
The military has a great professional development model. in this growth framework leaders train their subordinates how to prepare for positions two-levels up in rank. This is the model I will use for my family. As parents, Claudia and I will show our kids how to become parents, and as grandparents we will show our kids how to be grandparents while they in turn teach their kids how to be parents. This is the utopia, but like my tattoo artist tells me, you either go big or go home.
Being the matriarch and patriarch of the family is a privilege, and it should be a capacity that has earned respect from younger generations based on the leadership you provide them. The only thing certain is the uncertainty of tomorrow; and the best time to prepare for this uncertainty is now. I applaud every parent out there in the trenches working toward a better life for their children. It’s a system of delayed recognition for sure, but being a parent is the most important job we will have in this world. Until next round my friends … One Team, One Family! ~Doc