A hungry stomach, an empty wallet and a broken heart can teach you the best lessons of life.” ~Robin Williams
What I really love about my time in the military is that I was always taught great lessons on accountability. I’ve served in a lot of high-stress situations throughout my career and in those moments I either thrived, or took a figurative shot to the chest and kept moving forward. I think I was able to see the value of these lessons because that’s how I was raised.
In my family, growing up, you were praised for the things you did well and you were disciplined accordingly when you were out of line. This connection is relevant to this reflection because I am learning how to be a parent in stride. Claudia and I both love our children and want nothing but the best for them, but even as a steward of the Gentle Parenting philosophy, there are times we have to address the behavior of our little ones. Theses past few weeks have been packed with invaluable lessons for me as a parent as well as a public affairs professional.
There is no better thing in the world than being a parent. Taking the time to imagine where your kids will be in the next decade or two should be looked at as a privilege. However, there are those times when your blessings don’t know how to act and lose their bearing. That’s when things get real. That’s when I tell my kids you can either be smart or you can be strong.
Smart vs Strong
I remember when I was a young, wet behind the ears, 2nd Lt. in Infantry Officer Basic Course at Fort Moore, formerly known as Fort Benning, G.A. in 2004. I had, what in the Army is known as, one of of the cardinal errors in training, a negligent discharge of my weapon system. Now, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I got the dog mess smoked out of me by Small Group Leader, and rightly so.
All I can remember from that physical training session to repent for my shortcoming were the words “front” (do push ups), “back “(flutter kicks), and “go” (run in place). This may not seem difficult, but when you are geared up and the frequency of each exercise is at the wishes of your disciplinarian it can be a tough situation, which it was. I share this story with you all because this is the gentle parenting approach I use with my kids.
Fast-forward to my current capacity as a father and you can understand my approach. When my kids are out of line, I do not hit them. We do not believe in corporal punishment. I give them physical activity as consequences for their actions. They do everything from pushups to leg lifts, and at the end of it they get the reasoning behind their punishment and opportunity to make amends with whomever they offended. The path to a civilized society begins at home.
During a ride back from the trampoline park in Fayetteville, N.C., Brianna must have had some adrenaline muscles and called me stupid because she didn’t get something she wanted. I have extremely thick skin and completely understand the need to rage out from time to time. However, them fighting words!
Remember, metal must burn before it becomes a blade” ~Deathstroke
I looked over at Claudia and said, “You’re going to drop Brianna and me off a mile out from the house and she and I are force marching home.” Claudia agreed, and once the GPS showed 1-mile away from our house Brianna and I hit the pavement. After about 15 minutes Brianna began to express how exhausted she was, but understood why the steps were needed to correct her behavior.
Almost Famous Tour
The only movie I can relate my experience of late to is the movie “Almost Famous” where the main character follows the band Creedence Clearwater Revival as a journalist to do a piece for Rolling Stones Magazine. This section is dedicated to the 82nd Airborne Division “All American” Chorus for all the hard work they put in to get to the finals of America’s Got Talent. As the public affairs officer for the organization, I had the unique experience of following them to Pasadena, C.A. to see them perform in the semi-finals of the competition.
It’s all happening.” ~Penny lane, Almost Famous
The prep going into the competition was not without friction. Not only did the Chorus have to rehearse and learn the choreography, but they also had to balance a demanding media engagement schedule because everyone wanted the stories from these talented Paratroopers.
I had an amazing time seeing behind the scenes of America’s Got Talent and seeing the Chorus leave it all on the stage. Even though they did not take the title at the end of the competition, they are all champions in my eyes. This is an experience I look forward to sharing with the kids and grandkids in the future.
Paradigm Shift
As the retirement countdown continues to dwindle the options continue to present themselves for our life post-retirement. An example of this is the Army Career Skill Program and the many development opportunities I have to choose from. The plan to pickup the property management role from my wife is still in play, but we are seeing value in getting certifications in certain trades.
The freedom we cherish so dearly, is a gift. Not only from our American Servicemen and Women, but it is also a gift from the American Worker.” ~Jocko Willink
I’m actively looking for an internship that would get me certified as a plumber or electrician prior to leaving the Army. This is a bit of a challenge due to what is offered by geographic location, but the return on investment of being able to self-repair property maintenance issues is huge. The other benefit is being able to moonlight on the side and pick up more work as an independent contractor as the kids grow older and more independent. Weighing this ambition with others, to open my own Jiu-jitsu academy one day for instance, is making the future as bright as it can possibly be.
Until next reflection, sports fans – One Team, one Family!