Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Prof. Rafael Lovato Jr.
Every day that passes is a gift. It’s a chance to take advantage of new opportunities, make gains towards set goals, or leverage the time to work your way out of wicked problem. Regardless, waking up to take on the day is not guaranteed, and we should be grateful we’re still in the game.
I recently ran into a former training partner from a gym I used to train at when my family and I lived in Texas. We exchanged pleasantries and when I asked if he was still training, he informed me he had to stop because he was battling cancer. My friend is younger than me and in great shape, a beast on the mats, so I was surprised to learn this news to say the least. He’s now in remission, which is great news, but definitely puts everything in perspective.
My focus these days remains on my family, my transition from the military to civilian life, and Jiu-jitsu to keep a strong grasp on my mental health. Every moment invested has to be used to accomplish a specific goal. It’s foolish to think everything will just fall into place when it’s supposed to. I am a man faith, but I do understand the only ingredients necessary for success are timing and decisiveness.
Never give up and don’t why because every situation does not need an answer. I’m a firm believer that I don’t worry about anything I can’t control.” ~Eric Davis
Family Is Paramount
Watching your children grow is like watching a video on YouTube at 2x playback speed. Before you know it, they are using phrases you don’t understand and they are more and more independent by the day. This becomes all too real when your memories on social media platforms remind you of their early milestones. It’s easy to look ahead and be seduced by your future self that your psyche created, but never forget that it’s the present moment you are in that holds the most value.
Claudia and I prioritize our time around our children, everything else is secondary. I’ve been amazed at how much my wife has sacrificed and achieved at the same time. Claudia gave up practicing medicine to ensure care for our children never became an issue while I continue to serve in the military. In the two-plus years she’s been away from her practice, and out of the military, she created our family business in real-estate and paving the way for a strong transition plan into our civilian lives after my retirement.
Master the Transition
I have served 19 years in the military and I’m looking forward to beginning the next chapter. This may seem premature for those unfamiliar with the military retirement process, planning against something 11-months out, but understand there is a lot I need to accomplish to ensure my family and myself have the best chance for a seamless transition to the next chapter. The Transition Assistance Program is a nebulous process with a lot of training opportunities and requirements. to navigate through prior to my separation. This also must be balanced against the demands of my current position
Many former leaders of mine who have already transitioned reinforced the fact that the only opportunity I have to set my family up for success after the military is now. It’s been a great ride pushing the limits and placing the mission first, but for those of you out there beginning this process, understand the military will keep moving forward long after we leave service. This brings us to the next hurdle, where do we begin? The first thing that needs to happen is to be decisive in prioritizing what quality of life you want to have after the military. Specifically, is flexibility more important than advancement or compensation? And what certifications are going to make you more competitive when you are applying for a new career?
Don’t complain. Don’t talk negative … that’s average. Average people talk normal, average people talk problems … the great talk solutions.” ~Dr. Eric Smith
Human Chess
Managing personal and professional demands of the day-to-day can be taxing and can take a toll on your mental health. A good outlet my family and I have found to help build resilience is Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. I often discuss this in my reflections and will always take advantage of an opportunity to share the great benefits of the gentle art. The current waypoint in my literary journey has brought me to “Transforming Trauma with Jiu-jitsu”, by Jamie Marich and Anna Pirkl.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is considering adopting Jiu-jitsu as a hobby. This book walks you through from the beginner level and helps even advanced Jiu-jitsu players find a deeper understanding of the art. I compare this book to research materials I’ve used to navigate through my dissertation during my doctorate program. Marich and Pirkl suggest to always remember why you started your Jiu-jitsu journey in the first place. This is comparable to the advisement of always reading your problem statement before you begin hacking away at your dissertation or whatever research project you’re working on. Your original motivation will help you stay focused on why you need to continue to train and will keep you out of the mental traps that detract from your growth.
On August 7, I will be celebrating my 9-year Jiu-jitsuversary. When I reflect back on what this art has given me, I always go back to my first month of training. The fear I had going to the gym each day was a lot for me to overcome. I started training at my first gym three-to-four times a week and I would leave beat down every time.
Humans only have one ending, ideas live forever.” ~Ruth Handler
Looking back now, I know that it was my own ego that was getting me put in the hurt locker. Some of the factors contributing to my rocky start included not tapping when I should have, going too hard and focusing on muscle instead of technique, and not letting myself heal properly before the next practice. Today, not only have my wife and kids started their own journeys as mat rats, but I have come full circle as to what I wanted to gain as a Jiu-jitsu player moving forward. My purpose, when I started, was to gain a skill I can pass on to my children.
I always wanted to earn a black belt in a martial art. Not because I wanted to be the baddest guy in the room, but because I often admired the level of mastery and discipline I’ve seen from black belts in their respective art. I saw Jiu-jitsu as a means to keep me mentally, physically, and emotionally fit long into my senior years. Being able to bring my kids up on the mats has been awesome, and it keeps me feeling young so I’m sure I will be able to pass this art down to my grandchildren one day as well.
The other collateral goodness which has stemmed from sticking to my training has been the amazing relationships I developed with like-minded Jiu-jitsu players and seeing them progress in the art. Several of my former teammates of whom I have shared the mats with have now earned their black belts. I’m proud to have been a part of their journeys and I’m sure they will do great things for the people they will teach as a professor. Shout out to everyone I’ve trained with who continue to stick with this art. It’s a gift to surf the mats and I look forward to meeting up with all of you again for the next round. Roll easy my friends. One Team, One Family! ~Doc